Dear past self,
For weeks now you have struggled with the thought of not being enough. You have tossed and turned at night so much that your sheets became soiled with tears and tangled with uncertainty. Scrolling through your timeline, you came across countless pictures that caused you to touch your shorts curls and frown or look at your makeup and wonder why you cannot apply lashes or liquid eyeliner. You clicked through Snapchat stories and compared the clothes in your closet to the outfits on others. “Maybe if I did this I wouldn’t look 12 years old?” or “Why don’t I look like this when..” are the questions you asked yourself as you stood in front of the mirror. You listened to people’s attacks at your joy and spirit. Internalizing them and thinking “Could they be correct?”. The past couple weeks have been the sunken place.
But it was not until you broke down in tears in the car trying to gain the confidence to wear your hair twisted in public, that you had your revelation. Sure, you have been confident your whole life. Yes, you are a role model to others for being boldly you. Yet, we all falter at times. You had a moment. You forgot that your beauty is not defined by others or likes on Twitter. You forgot that you were not meant to look like everyone else. You forgot that you must completely embrace your whole self. It seems like in the midst of trying to better yourself by identifying flaws in efforts to resolve them, you allowed one to consume you. The flaw being doubt. You doubted yourself. Why? Don’t you know that you were created for greatness? So why let something so minor cause you to wallow and make harsh comparisons. So be comfortable in your skin. Regain that confidence. Stop waiting for the validation of others. Do it for yourself. Stop comparing yourself to your friends. You glow uniquely. Stop letting couples on Twitter make you feel lonely because you know that is quite the opposite. Most of all, understand that you are not the only one who has suffered from this lapse of confidence. Someone else or maybe a couple people you know are battling the same demon. However, there will always be people who hide and act like they never compared themselves and instantly felt saddened. There will be people who will be angry that you even had the gut to voice an issue which runs deep in the hearts of young women today. “I can’t believe she confessed to that!” or “She should know better than to do something like that!”. Yet those are the same people who make an Olympic sport out of doing things just for show, or those who specialize in being too prideful and not humbling themselves. Understand that not everyone will want to relate to this struggle. Understand that you are not weak. You confronted the issue. You wrangled the ugly monster out from its hiding place inside of you and served it eviction papers.
Exude boldness and be unapologetic when it comes to being yourself. Embrace your physical and mental quirks that make you different. Continue to work on yourself, but please remember…Doubt will get you nowhere. Be confident and firm in your choice to love yourself fully. You are enough.
continuously evolving self