Healing Hurts But You Need It

Nobody wants to formally or publicly admit that they are hurt, yet our actions scream “HELP I FEEL LIKE I AM DYING.” The healing process to relinquish those feelings is brutal. It’s filled with ugly shower crying, hiding in bed all day, and feeling sick to the stomach whenever you receive a trigger that reminds you of your trauma. You desperately wish a magic wand could be waved so the hurt can be erased or the healing process can be sped up, but you have to let the four steps run their course…

Step One: Acknowledgment– It happened. You fully acknowledge the event that is causing you hurt has happened. You have replayed every memory over and over again in your head. You wake up each morning hoping it’s not reality. You understand that for a little while, you’re not going to be okay but eventually you will. You come to terms with the situation. You acknowledge that you are going to have to heal and grow. So let it begin…

Step Two: Reality – Your positive mood and way of thinking is crushed. You knew this process would be hard but you didn’t think it would be this grueling. Que the long showers where you get out and your face mask is running down your chin. Que the mornings where you wake up and stare at the ceiling in pain, wishing to teleport to another life and asking “why me?”. This stage is highly important because you have to understand that healing and growth is ugly. You realize that you will have good days and bad days, which is perfectly okay.

Step Three: Publicity- Somehow your hurt goes public. A larger group of friends find out,you retweet something questionable, or you have a public meltdown. Now everyone knows that what you are going through. Brace yourself, because not everyone will understand. Not everyone will care. Some may even brush you off and discredit you. But, that has nothing to do with your healing process. No one can do this but you. Ignore the public opinion and input on your private matter. It can be very awkward because you feel like there are constantly eyes on you or whispers about you. Ignore it all. Focus on the goal.

Step Four: Breathing– The final stage. Congratulations, you survived and you are finally breathing. Breathing happens when the hurt doesn’t enter your thoughts. It doesn’t float across your memory. It doesn’t consume you. It’s no longer baggage that you are carrying. The spirit of forgiveness is alive and well. You are not bitter. You are without spite and pettiness. You are free. You are light.

I am in between step three and four. I look forward to step four and I will welcome it with open arms and a bottle of Pinot Grigio when I enter into that environment. I find myself evolving into the new & improved me each day. As I stand in this valley of growth and healing, I look ahead to see her sitting on the mountaintop. She is dancing among the wildflowers and sipping from the stream of freedom. I press forward to that state of breathing.


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