changes.

You can always feel a change coming whether you acknowledge it or ignore it. The force of new things coming into your atmosphere is unshakable.

I’d been feeling the nudge for a few months. It came in daily reminders when I got dressed in the morning or walked the grocery store aisle. It whispered to me as I struggled to go to sleep and fought hard to get out of bed in the morning. I felt the physical and mental effects so much that I was near the point of exhaustion.

It was time for me to cut ties, shift my focus, change my scenery and usher in something new.

I’ve experienced change before and I will admit that I am not a fan. As an April Taurus, I like for things to stay the way they are, but resisting change has only led to negative outcomes. I’ve lost myself in efforts to keep things the way they were. I’ve lost my vision or spark trying to stay the same. I’ve experienced hurt and trauma when I let things remain. All the while, I knew it was time to move on or change my routine, but the fear of the unknown and leaving the comfort zone made me believe that what I had was better even though that current state was breaking me down in the worst way possible.

So this time, I welcomed the nudge and decided to re-evaluate every area in my life in hopes to identify what needed to go and what could stay. To my surprise, it came in waves. Naively, I thought I would wake up one morning and change everything and go to bed that night a brand new me…wrong. It took weeks and months to pick up on things that I needed to throw away and refine.

I started with my spiritual journey. I figured that once I got my relationship with God right and threw away constructs and concepts forced upon me by others that were judgmental, I would see things clearly and have an open communication line to vent and speak when needed. That helped. Prayer works. Defining my relationship without jaded opinions or voices helped.

Next, I cut ties with relationships that were no longer mutually beneficial. I was drained and uninterested. I was fed up and hurt. Although releasing these relationships hurt as there were many good memories, I couldn’t ignore the present day state of them and the damage they were causing. No beef, they just weren’t needed anymore.

The next thing to be cut was my hair. It had to go! I had so many bad feelings toward my hair for a while and no amount of protective styling or a new wash day routine was fixing my woes. To add to my frustration, I have type 4 hair which is beautiful but requires a little more work. I thought I had a regime and system in place but it stopped working. My hair felt tired and dry. It looked lifeless and I dreaded wash days and styling. I’ve heard people say that haircuts are new journeys and I wanted to test the theory. I can’t explain the joy and freedom I felt as I watched my hair fall to the ground. It was a weight lifted from my head and what was left was soft, inviting and ready to be explored.

I’m still working to see what’s next on the chopping block. Everything that’s new in my life is serving it’s purpose and bringing me joy. Now don’t get me wrong, I still have bad hair days and relationship growing pains and fight to increase my attention span for zoom school, but things are shifting for the better. That’s big to say in the middle of a pandemic, a race war and a scary election approaching. Although this year has brought tragedy to my doorstep, I’m not letting it define my year. There have been so many days where I struggled to get out of bed or dealt with newfound anxiety. I’ve wanted to throw in the towel and stay tucked in the safety of my room, but I couldn’t let fear drive me into a deeper hole. These changes have given me a new reason to get up and go. They’ve given me something to look forward to as I explore the vast newness.

In the words of vic…I embrace these changes. Out with the old and in with the new. I’m open and ready to explore

Until next time,

Victoria

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